How does it work?

In Couples Communication Coaching, the focus is on how you communicate with each other, especially when one or both of you are emotionally charged. Coaching is different from traditional therapy in that you do most of the talking directly with each other. The coach directs the process, but not the content of your conversations. The goal is that you have support to talk through difficult issues while gaining skills that you can take home and use on your own.

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Miles does not offer solutions to your conflicts, but teaches you a process that you can apply to any difficult conversation. He will help you to be aware of your unconscious habits, and will show you how to use Conscious Communication Skills to meet your needs, while supporting your partner in meeting their needs.

 

These skills are easy to learn yet difficult to apply because most of us automatically defer to our habitual way of thinking about conflict in terms of right and wrong. This sets you up for competition, power struggle, and chronic tension, while making it more difficult to collaborate and connect.

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To learn how to use these relationship tools effectively usually requires the guidance of a teacher who can show you how to apply them to your personal issues. An intensive small-group workshop gives you an opportunity to discuss specific situations, watch demonstrations, and practice the skills for yourself in role-play scenarios.

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In these workshops, participants learn and practice:

 

• Listening without judgment

 

• Voicing strong feelings without blame or attack

 

• Establishing healthy boundaries that enable mutual respect

 

• Caring for yourself while also caring about your partner

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Together couples explore the roots of common communication habits and learn to evaluate how well these are working.  Experiential exercises help to change the way you think about relationships. From this new perspective, you learn how to communicate your ideas, feelings, and needs honestly without attacking or blaming, and listen without judgment or evaluation.

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While you will be encouraged to practice these skills in role-plays using real scenarios from your life, you will not be pressured to reveal more than is comfortable for you. For everyone's safety, all sessions are confidential and will not delve too deeply into personal issues or conflicts between people in the workshop. That type of processing is better suited for private sessions.

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Miles spent ten years as a professional divorce mediator and realized that if he could teach couples to use the same listening, assertion and negotiation skills before they split up, a lot of shipwrecked marriages might be saved. He has worked with couples since 1990 helping people who don't feel understood to assert themselves responsibly, while also listening supportively.

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