Couples Communication Coaching
Are you tired of having the same arguments?
Are you ready to try something new?
Are you looking for meaningful conversation, deep connection,
and less conflict in your relationship?
For people in committed relationships
who care about their partner, but feel discouraged, disillusioned, or disconnected,
and
for those who want to deepen their connection and strengthen their foundation.
Transform Your Relationship
When communication breaks down, intense emotions of sadness, insecurity, shame, frustration, anger, and even rage can easily occur, affecting your relationship on every level. Disconnection, misunderstanding, opposition, and stalemate conversations become the norm, and you end up feeling very alone.
We need to feel heard and understood. We need to be seen and deeply known. When this occurs, intimacy can deepen, and you feel connected again.
Couples Communication Coaching enables you
to have difficult conversations with your partner while staying connected
and working together to find practical solutions.
You will learn how to interrupt your habit of focusing on what happened and who is to blame and let go of defending yourself or arguing over who is right.
You will be guided to focus on each other’s raw emotions and basic needs. This enables you to understand why you and your partner are feeling the way you are, and what needs of yours are not being met.
Once your focus has shifted from proving your point to finding a way to meet each of your needs, you become allies working together to solve a problem, instead of adversaries competing to see who will win.
How Does It Work?
In Couples Communication Coaching, the focus is on how you communicate with each other, especially when one or both of you are emotionally charged. Miles will explain the basics of effective communication and facilitate conversations between you about any current issues that you need to discuss.
Coaching is different from traditional therapy in that you do most of the talking directly with each other. The coach directs the process, but not the content of your conversations.
The goal is that you have support to talk through difficult issues while gaining skills that you can take home and use on your own.
Miles does not offer solutions to your conflicts. He teaches you a process that you can apply to any difficult conversation. He will help you to be aware of your unconscious habits and will show you how to use Conscious Communication Skills to meet your needs, while supporting your partner in meeting their needs.
These skills are easy to learn yet difficult to apply because most of us automatically defer to our habitual way of thinking about conflict in terms of right and wrong. This sets you up for competition, power struggle, and chronic tension, and makes it more difficult to collaborate and connect.
To break out of habitual patterns, most people need the support of a teacher and coach in the beginning. A skilled coach can offer specific directions to each of you individually, during live conversations with your partner in confidential, private sessions. If you are willing to put the time and effort into your relationship using these resources, you can learn to use these tools and format to build a stable and satisfying bond between you.
After ten years as a professional divorce mediator, Miles realized that if he could teach couples to use the same listening, assertion, and negotiation skills before they split up, a lot of floundering marriages might be saved. He has worked with couples since 1990 helping those who don't feel understood to assert themselves responsibly, while also listening supportively.
Some couples resolve multiple issues in one session. Others may work through one topic for the entire session. One session may even be enough for you to learn how to stay connected; however, most couples see the need for follow-up sessions in order to make these new habits stick. Either way, the goal is for you to learn how to use the skills on your own.
Miles is a guide and teacher, not a therapist.
Understanding the difference can help you determine if learning to communicate more consciously can help you regain your joy and connect more authentically in your relationship.
If you trust the process, commit to the work, and learn to use the tools, you can realize deeper intimacy and greater autonomy. This work will help you acknowledge and process difficult emotions, make decisions together that include both of your needs, and have challenging conversations that bring you closer together instead of further apart.
You will learn how to take care of your own feelings and needs, while helping your partner take care of theirs.
You will begin to view your relationship as an opportunity for personal growth and increased self-awareness, as well as for comfort and security. And you will become allies with your partner, instead of adversaries.
A Couples Communication Coaching session with Miles will teach you how to:
• Express your feelings and needs honestly, without blame
• Hear your partner without judgment
• Make decisions together that include both of your needs
• Establish healthy boundaries
• Care for yourself, while caring about your partner
• Increase intimacy, while maintaining independence
Read Miles' book...
Conscious Communication for Couples details a simple and effective way for people in committed relationships to express their feelings and needs and to listen to those of their partner. These skills enable you to understand each other, rather than fighting over who is right. They offer a way to talk honestly, without judgement or blame, and to work together to explore solutions that meet both of your needs.
Conscious Communication for Couples Testimonial
How Will It Help?
Coaching Sessions
Miles is currently seeing couples at his home/office in Panton, Vermont, 45 minutes south of Burlington, April through November. Couples Sessions usually begin with a longer in-person session of 2-3 hours. Sessions online via Zoom are also available and are usually between 1 - 2 hours, depending on how the session goes and what's needed.
For a more intensive experience, we suggest booking multiple long sessions on consecutive days. A longer session enables deeper work and prepares you to use the skills more effectively in your daily life. Having sessions on consecutive days allows you to practice together on your own, and return with fresh questions and insights about using these skills.
There is a charming lakeside BnB on Arnold Bay Road, 5 minutes walk from Miles home/office in Panton, (Button Bay BnB) and numerous other places to stay in the Vergennes, Shelburne, Middlebury, or Burlington areas. Vermont is famous for its many historic New England style lodgings. (You are responsible for finding your own accommodations in the area for in-person sessions and intensives.)